i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
