I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
