I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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