Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
