Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
