You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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