Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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