me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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