Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
