what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
