I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
