WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
