you win again, gameday.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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