I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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