I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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