Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
