Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
