pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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