Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
