She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize