Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
