and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
