we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
