So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
