can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
