He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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