Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize