that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
only if we run a train.
done.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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