What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
