She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
