You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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