When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
