id be glad to
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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