First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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