he shaved USA in his pubs
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
