how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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