I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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