the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
