In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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