May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
