No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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