Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
