if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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