You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
