from now on my penis is your penis
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize