my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
