wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
