After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
