I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
