I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
