I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
