Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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