part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
