so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize