Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
love makes seman taste better
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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