I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
