You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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