Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
