I wish I could teleport
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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