i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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