Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
