idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
