Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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