I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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