Sponge bath it is.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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