Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
