He had one of those small greek statue penises
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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