is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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