That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
