yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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