Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
