I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
