wanna go halves on a baby?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
