I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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