he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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